Ben Sahlmüller
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Too much love for too few encounters of childhood
Taiwan has one of the lowest birth rates worldwide. It might thus either surprise you or not surprise you at all that both its infrastructure and society are enviable and adorable when it comes to children. Taiwan’s infrastructure proves that engineering in its rationality is anything but cold. We have yet to find a place…
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An offer you can refuse
A nice tradition in Taiwan and China is 坐月子 zuò yuè zǐ, postpartum confinement. It’s a one month period immediately after birth during which mother and child get time to rest, heal, and find strength again. Usually mothers spend that time in bed and have others like a granny take care of them. Nowadays, a…
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Giving birth to a dragon
The Taiwanese health care system is amazing and among the best in the world. We generally trust it. And yet cultures are different and there is always only so much you know you don’t know. Episiotomies are widely more common here than elsewhere, for example, and we wanted to go without them—unless necessary, of course.…
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The masculine urge to do nothing
At our birthing class, Anna and I and the other couples were asked to do a kind of circle training to test various poses for the two of us to relieve some of the labor pain. Our job as the partner—all men, in that specific situation—was to support the becoming mother. “Talk to her,” our…
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Parenthood is a gift of undeserved trust
An important experience I shared with friends in my generation was that we had to find our own paths. Our parents, given how fast the world was changing, did not only often struggle to support us on that search, they might even accidentally have gotten in the way. In the last months, it sometimes dawned…
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Being a parent is a secret code, not sacred self.
There are still interesting expectations connected to fatherhood, motherhood, parenthood. After L’s birth, I felt a certain sense of maturity growing. Much of that is certainly just the growing additional responsibility I now have. But behind that feeling also lurked some sacred idea of how being a father makes you a Real Man. Glimpses of…
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What is magical about being a father is to watch a to-do list become a real person.
When we left the hospital with L, we were almost surprised we were allowed to do so. She was so small and fragile, we knew so little. All we had was a list of things we had to do to keep her alive. Wake her up every three hours so she doesn’t starve. Make sure…
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It’s hard to keep things fair between parents – and maybe better not to even try
Fairness is often a core value in relationships, and it is hard to foresee how our understanding of it might change. There’s so much to organize and orchestrate, figuring out what you need to buy and what you definitely do not need to buy, learning to change a diaper while your baby tries to learn…
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You can’t reason your way into becoming a parent.
Whether to have kids is often seen as a lifestyle choice, these days, at least among couples who like us live in the metropolises of this world. I had conversations with friends about the pros and cons myself. What do you get, what do you have to give up for it. Do you prefer scheming…
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Benerkenswert 2024 – The Year of the Dragon Daughter
2024 has been a year of the dragon. The biggest and most beautiful change for me was the birth of our baby daughter L. They say kids change you, and how can they not just considering what an all-consuming new hobby they become. I am deeply in love with this particular one! L should one…
